I think conflicts or problems are inevitable since we do not know all there is to know about life. Coach Joe Caruso said it this way, “we are born naked. Naked means no pockets. No pockets means no manual.” I add that, no manual means we learn as we go. But life does not wait for us to gather all learning before it makes demands on us so we are also required to move with what we already know.
It is therefore obvious that our actions, born out of incomplete knowledge, will occasionally hit the limits of our reality. And whenever that happens, it will bring results or outcomes that are significantly different from what we expect; whether good or bad.
When we experience surprises, our major problem is not just that our mental models are wrong but that we refuse to act to adjust, enhance or completely discard and rebuild them.
We live life somewhat like the blind feeling an elephant. The part we touch defines the elephant to us. Whether we feel the ears, the tail or the legs, we form a picture of the elephant based on the respective parts felt. The tragedy is often that we assume that picture to be all there is and hence assume an elephant is all tail or that every tail is an elephant – until reality hits us and signals differently.
It will often require the input of several sources and some openness to those inputs for us to truly appreciate how much bigger and wonderful the elephant or this world really is.
If it is so beneficial to be open-minded, why do we struggle with new ideas? One word. Inertia. To put it differently or explain it a little more, I’ll use another word: stability. The map we build, with which we negotiate the world, often becomes our security in this unknown territory. To change it, to alter it, is to accept that we do not quite know as we thought and in some cases, it is to admit that we are totally lost. Such vulnerability can be a very big jump for people who have prided themselves on their knowledge and can therefore be a great inhibitor to their growth.
I have chosen to approach life as an ongoing learning experience because the models which work for me today, might change tomorrow. That way even my mistakes are beneficial since they point me in the direction of improvement and growth.
I have also come to see humility as a necessary and indispensable partner on that journey. Not because it is a nice virtue but because it can enable me travel light. And humility, for me, has nothing to do with a pious attitude but simply, continuous submission to the truth as I know it.
